As she sat confined to the prison she so diligently designed for her self thoughts ran through her mind the numbness that had once consumed her and left the remainder of her heart cold and hard were subsiding. As she sat in the room she had painted a dark blue. The room a constant reminder of the heartache she was hiding. The room seemed to constrict her breathing as she walked to the large window of her room and drew the curtains back as the sun started peaking through the gray in the clouds it highlighted the dust she had stirred by moving the cloth. Her heart seemed to burn with pain surfacing she no longer could sit in her prison it seemed to bring the very pain she was hiding within. an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia overwhelmed her senses .
You would think that after years she would have learned how to manage her time, emotions, hunger for adventure. The dual personalities she so profoundly possessed like a ferocious lioness always demanding attention wanting to be touched caressed treated like the queen she had demanded she was.
Only if this was the whole of her but her true inner self conflicted by the other much different humble solemn friendly but never delicate. Perhaps she is a lioness who brings her prey in with coy and beauty, once herded she then ravages the very soul of which was so wisely trusted. That was her desire the hard coldness of the world had made her aspire to be. wrong or right she was torn by emotion and pain.
As she approached the day she made a decision she would become more of the woman she had idealized in her mind and lose her true value she would no longer see herself as the woman the past had beaten.
As the days and years past the loneliness of her choices begain to take hold. the days became years and laughter smiles and love were lost to her. She grieved for the woman torn between love and hurt she welcomed those thoughts & feelings now even as she mourned for her.
Feeling as though she had spent days in vein she cried for her life. she remained in solitude examining herself wondering if the hurt was worth the love she denied herself.
One rainy fall day she felt the need to walk not sure where she would venture she raised her face to the rain feeling the water kiss her face it purified her very soul
Today She smiled because her direction her thoughts were no longer a prison for her she stopped caring about wither she was right or wrong she started listening to her feelings the voice within her heart. She would be liberated from the illusions her mind created the overwhelming sense of hurt betrayal that she was so accustomed to. she would stray from the anguish within her very soul the feeling that cut her like a knife the tears that once become a familiar friend would dry. This day she would no longer reach out to those darkened emotions for solitude. With a deep breath she looked at the rippled pond and saw her reflection & realized her inner beauty and vowed that she would be the heroin in her life the change she so desperately needed she would feel the moments as they came without out fear as her mind became clear for the first time in many years. She found that one person she had been searching for her entire life in the reflection of a pond on a crisp fall day as the world fell dying around her and she found life.
She thought as she walked home; Did anyone ever notice she has lived in gray and yet managed to go through each moment as if she knew exactly what she was doing like there is no in between. Do others really not see how lost she can be how confused? How everyday she feels as if her insides are going to tie their selves up in knots and reject her body? …..
if ever im around the way; welcome me with a warm cup of tea
with a sip we shall speak in poetry; like-minded
as words unravel our day will be spent; my travel not in vain
If ever I’m around the way inspire my mind with creative light
while our day is lost to poems yet noted
I will leave not in dismay; In knowing this day was kind to a poets sight
If ever im around the way
Moon beams dance Delicately
Across curious wide eyes
Mystic light dances in a innocent frame
Within that light
To shield you from
Bitter cold; that bites your toes
From Vicious souls who intend to harm the beauty and charm of your heart.
Perceptions change in a night
Like an old oak tree bold, free
Heavens lights still shines
With laughter and years it’s brilliance perseveres you grow
Just as my life light shines to guide you with each step as you go innocence fades as wisdom grows you my child I will forever hold
Shining in my soul.
As the night lingers slowly punishing.
You seem so far this pillow I hold close to my heart leaning into the sheets missing your scent.
time seems so cruel without you. cold is the spot where you warmth once dwelled missing is the love in this cold nights bed longing for your chest to place my head.
wanting your touch, our harmonious laughter in the midst of this dreary bed. Your eyes so wondrous gazing as we kiss our lips addicted to the movement the taste. Tonight I will crave you the warmth the taste the smell my senses muted by the absence of you.
the strength of a wave
Crashing thrashing fighting it’s way
That was she
Eagles defined sight
Strong and true never missing it’s pray
That was she
Sun’s bright light Warm inviting
That was she
Wondrous were the onlookers as she lay still no breath lingers
her fight over
Inspired were we
That was she
She held it in while
cringing at night
They were well she was not hearts drownings from years of tears
Taste of fear lips trembling she spoke lost
A mind doomed from such emotional fate her senses wild without origin
Tears pooled in eyes confused
this unknown fear
No more does she want to see the world’s painful fate drowning in hate lost in ignorance condemned by false pride she cries
Blurred are the lines of a story unwritten
Lost in words of gray
Close was your beating heart to my pen
Shades of gray that should have bleed
No certain light could change life
Between the lines
Meaningless is the origins of a world of no words
Yet they are written in gray
watching the salty stream seep from page to page
Day broke upon the pain filled night, with a joyous cry
He has risen
isolated by stone was this tomb of despair and pain
He has risen
left was nothing! but the shadows of a tomb
Hope fills the air
a promise he kept with such pain endured
He has risen
wood and nails ridiculed and shamed
cleansed by his blood
we are loved and forgiven
He has risen
Subdued; silence whispers in winters frigid wind
As night surrounds strong
filled of truth overcome the lonesome
Weeping scared of nights unwanted dreams
tears a steady stream, rushing, pouring
Once so young filled of
oh minds of the innocent
they sleep softly sweetly
Loves delirious sleep filled rooms of two; they drifted softly slowly into laughters unwanted sleep
Wind of winters past carry the laughter the innocence to the Weeping
joyous are memories to still the night
subdue us frigid winter wind in your liquid crystal dance
Beautiful destruction in your path
This body blanketed by your cold embrace comfort the last beat of a lonesome heart
springs warm light.
In the midst of loves beginning
Once set apart two hearts
Can be mended
In times awkward stance
we beg fate to give into chance
Can we be mended?
We were tested In the midst of loves new beginning
Laughter eased the pain
New life gave way to lose
Aged by years of life
Tears lead the way
Wrinkled by moons envious sun
Happiness was branded in loves