To be

I am not so sure if I know how to be I have loved and left and I have been left and lost
There has been happiness and heartache love and laughter
yet I’m not sure if I know how to just be
Tears have flowed enough to fill a stream
Love has filled my life like a tangible dream
Yet I’m so unwilling to just be
Laughter has filled my lungs and worry has stained my face yet why can I not just be
My heart has triumphed over hurt and pain and yet no change
I have faced it all with dignity and have held on to my tattered pride yet I’m lost to know how to be
I still myself as the waves crash on the shore I watch in awe as lightening streaks the sky I smell the salty air but I’m restless
why cant I just be
I ask for signs then close my eyes
I breath my heart finds a new rhythm I feel so at ease no tangible sign just me learning how to be

One More Day

In this cold lonely room where the walls are dark and gray my heart is torn into. my eyes are full of tears my mind is racing what is this day to bring? More sadness, tears! I cringe at the thought of one more day ! How do I get out of this locked room  trapped with no windows to climb through these walls are made of steel.

How I got here I’m not sure but this place is all to familiar as if i am home, maybe its not so bad I find the solitude comforting with no chance of misguided thoughts of happiness only emptiness with no worries or unwanted visitors there are no doorways no way in or out

I think ill stay awhile maybe i can find serenity in this darkness maybe i can be free from the hurt I am numb from the pain.